Monday, 17 September 2012

Back there again!!!!

"This place never changed" i wondered by resting my head against the leather seat of my blue convertible BMW. i was going back there again, never in my wildest dreams i thought i would be back there and there i sat all oblivious.
that road was the same, the trees were the same, even the smell felt familiar, the only difference was i stared at the sun shining down at me through the shades of my sunglass and i had a elegant red gown on me instead of my well ironed uniform. instead of feeling that sizzling road under my foot i was in a car and i didn't had my friend holding my hands.
i always felt hard to think about my school days, not because those days were worse but because the memories always bought tears in my eyes.
"zara" ishan's call bought me back to present, until then i was almost oblivious that i had my husband near me. i saw his face and then i knew he too was having the same thoughts i was having.
the tree witnessed our first meeting, the garden bench heard his confession of love to me, the back veranda where we shared our first kiss, it all came back in just a mere second.
this place has witnessed our every falls and heights and had always stood by our side. i and ish had a lot of problems there, the common indian disputes, zara malik should not fall for ishaan aroa,i wonder how can anybody fall in love by investigating the other sex's background, it just happens that way and no body and nothing can stop that feeling from having and then everything in our life leads in its way. we do many things, some greatest mistakes of our life and some great moves we ever took.
our love was not blind like sheksphere said, but it was true. even our teachers made a face infront of us. but our friends held us close because they knew what we really were and how irresistible we felt in our relation. i still remember my friend hugging me tight when tears flowed through my cheek.
i never was a bright student, but i was what i am, i had my own capabilities and limits, i wanted to write and i adored it, no one saw that out of me, my friends and ish are a exception though. ish always held me close and said" zara, you will fly high" it comforted me and help me up in my every falls.
my teacher's words still sound high in my mind" miss malik, you won't reach anywhere in your life" i don't know what she would be thinking now.
when bollywood called me princess and teenagers all over india lived in my novels and when i became a great part of international business, i don't know what my teacher think about me, maybe she was right, i reached nowhere in my life, i lost my family before years, though i have ish ,i still miss my family. i knew that they would never be proud of what i am now, this was not what they wanted from their daughter, ish was not a son-in-law they wanted, no matter how high we reached, if our loved ones are not proud of us, it means, we are a great loser in life.
ish held me under his protective arms when my dad threw me out of his house, i had nothing left, but a life with my love, i had no choice left. i had always lived for my parents and then all of a sudden i was out from that family, for my own mistakes, which never appeared to me as mistakes as long as ish loved me. i still am grateful to ish and his mom for welcoming me with open arms, she is long gone now, she was one of the greatest women i ever met in my life, she raised ish on her own and always supported him because she always believed that her son could never go wrong, she was a ideal mother which i will worship my all life, not just for what she did for me but for the changes she bought in my and ish's life.
ish's leg slammed on the break, it made me shake and then the tear i held back poked my cheek. ish patted my back and kissed my forehead, i don't know how lucky i should be to have him as my soul mate. when i think, i lost my family for him, i never regret because he never gave me a chance to. every holes of my life was filled with his love, he never allowed me to grieve on my past, he always said" look forward zara, that is where you belong"
ish never talked about my family, he knew it made me sad, we were a family, we had each other. he was so caring which sometimes meant to me that he regret for sins he never committed.
i knew that he believe that. he was the reason for all my loses, as he was a pessimist, he never did thought that he was the reason for what i am now and for the glamorous life i am living now.
school was celebrating the launch of their 25th magazine and they wanted me-a bestselling author and their former student, to do the honor. i didn't wanted to do that, i never wanted to come back there.
when my car entered through the gate i heard the cheers and applause which in the next moment told me that no one saw the real zara there, in past nobody cheered at my entrance, nobody even cared, i wanted the same to happen, if i was ever coming back, i wanted to come back to that and it was never possible considering where i stood in the society.
the very moment i got out of the car i heard my debut film's song playing in the background and it was loud enough to take those cheers away.
and then i was walking towards the stage, i was nervous, sad ,amazed all at a time, i didn't even felt this way when i had my first red carpet, it was something more than red carpet or anything else i have ever had.
i felt like fainting, ish had his hands slipped around my waist and he held me tight because like always he was aware of the stress i was on. i had people in black leading me, ish called them my gaurds, i didn't wanted them there, i tried hard to avoid them, but sometimes ish seems horribly stubborn, i didn't wanted somebody protecting me for money when i had the protection rooted from love right beside me.
when i stood facing the audience, i saw no faces there but the empty ground, i saw me and ish kissing under a tree, i saw me and my friend bunking classes and escaping away through the small gate which always used to be open.
before long years i waved goodbye to these grounds and memories and a coming back was not expected. it was difficult yet pleasant. maybe i will never have this chance again, i vowed that i will enjoy my best.
ish elbowed me as i was somewhere else when they called my name. i stood up and walked toward the mike. i showed 'the magazine' to the crowd, a jolt went inside me when i held that ,the thought that i was once denied to be a part of that did that.
i straightened my shoulders and stood confidently like a high school girl standing to deliver a speech to the school assembly.
"nobody will want to be another zara in anybody's life, i just lived my life, i just moved on in my every falls, maybe that was the greatest move of my life. you only know about the glamorous life i lived, it’s not my life, but only a glorious part of it which i am proud for. i don't want to live this life which you all wish to live, i don't want anybody to follow my path, for those who don't know. i have travelled the worse, what you see is not always a person's life, there is much and much more to it. i should share this with you that stick on to your love, i have faced miracles in my life because of love, if you have real love of a person, your dreams are your life" i concluded my speech, i glanced at ish, he was staring deeply at me, nothing mattered to him, not even the curious crowd in front of us. he smiled at me, i literally melted at that .that charming smile has always done the job. i wanted to run into his arms and to kiss him at that moment, i wanted him to hide me from this world with his enomerous hug, i wanted to press my face against his tough chest and lay there forever.
we had a party after that, in a auditorium which i believe is newly made after i left there. party was elegant and i met many people, i also met people which i always urged to, my best friend, she hugged me at the first sight and we both didn’t wanted to get out from that warm hug, it bought memories back. i then knew how much i missed her
i met many of my teachers, i was not so close to anybody as i was not a bright student. yeah there was one teacher, he was close enough to share a long hug, he inspired me and he was the only teacher who supported me all along, i felt happy for coming when i saw him and my best friend, if i didn't came, i may never have felt those warm bodies against me ever again in my life.
when i said goodbye i didn't made promises expect to my best friend that i will meet her again, we made arrangements to meet again, to meet her husband and twins, her husband was my ish's close friend, theirs was a hidden love story which at last had a happy ending in all ways, not that i meant i had a bad ending, having ish with me is all i could ever ask for me. i knew that my parents or my brother didn't made a attempt to see me.
when i left the campus it was almost dark outside, i saw my school illuminating in the twilight. i had last sight of it, i thought i would never come back, but i did, so when i leaved i vowed inside that i will again come there and have memories again.
my car was speeding away when i saw a person standing outside the gate staring at me, i knew the next second, that it was my brother, i saw his misty eyes, i wanted to go back but i was already away, i stared at him as much as i could, he disappeared when ish took a bend in the road. i should come back once more to the beautiful village of punjab, i knew when i saw a glimpse of my brother, i have to, i thought and i wiped my tears away, we didn't talked, but so many things were shared without words, that was a great thing about brotherhood, no matter where his sister is he can never forget or avoid her all his life, i knew we will get back along may be some other time.
i sat forward and flipped the pages of magazine and i saw my words in it., they proudly presented in it, i didn't knew what i should feel, happy, proud?
"it was me standing there
leaning against the wall
dreams up high and when
it came to life, i won"

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